I go through these weird phases and patches. I want life to be so busy that I don't have time to think about anything and when it slows down a bit, I feel absolutely let down. But when it is actually so fast that it feels like I'm caught in a whirlwind, I want it to slow down. We're never happy with what we have, are we?
I want to wake up in the morning with a purpose in life. I want to go to bed thinking about what I have to do the next day. Not thinking about what I could do the next day. I don't feel the motivation or the inspiration to do anything worthwhile any more. I dread the question, "So what are you doing these days?" I try to change the topic- fast- before someone asks me that. And I feel so embarrassed when I'm asked that because my answers range from "nothing" to "I'm looking for a job" when neither is really true. I'm not doing nothing and I'm not looking for a job. Then what am I doing with my life? Sometimes I feel so ungrateful. I seemingly have everything and many would think I'm lucky. Yet I feel so dissatisfied.
6 comments:
When I was having this exact conversation with someone, they said to me this feeling stems from having too many options. It doesn't feel that way to me, but maybe? It's like going to a buffet and not really enjoying anything just because you had so many choices you couldn't fully appreciate everything. Bad example? Okay, but seriously it got me thinking. DO I have lots of options? CAN I do anything with my life? If so, why aren't I?
Irony is that I spent the whole time thinking and still not DOING anything :P
Hmm that's a very interesting way of thinking about it. In some ways, you're right. There are too many options and we don't want to make the effort of having to choose something, put in the further effort of making it happen...and then more effort by continuing with it! :P
Anyway, writing this post turned out to be somewhat cathartic as I started thinking of tons of things that I want to do. So much so that I couldn't sleep all night because my brain wouldn't rest. lol.
Back to 'happy' phase for the moment ;)
Hahah meri behn :P
Heh, don't worry, you aren't the only one who feels that way. I feel I'm often thinking of things to do, but never follow through or get out of my rut, and then when something does present itself, I freeze up. Biggest challenge: putting in the effort. Next challenge: dealing with change. Other challenge: fear of failure.
That being said, since I'm stuck here for an 11 day holiday, I plan to do something to get out of my rut...I'm making a list, and will force myself to do at least one interesting project that doesn't involve my computer.
I totally know that feeling too, before I got my job here in Riyadh, I was unemployed for ages and I hated that question. People seem to think that if you're not working, you're doing absolutely nothing, you can hear it in their voices. I would range from saying oh I'm learning cooking from my Mum, which was true for about two months to I'm learning French which was true for like two weeks, to I do absolutely nothing, which I said just to see the looks on their faces. :P And then I would use that to lead into I need a job, do you know of any job? :P Glad you're feeling better, cheers! Personally I agree, it's a two way street, when I have a job, I'm tooooo busy and I'm surviving on six hours of sleep a night and there's still absolutely no free time to do anything I want to do. When I have no job, I have all the time in the world and I can't find the motivation to do anything perhaps because I have so much choice, I can't think of it and I do nothing. C'est la vie. Just try to think of something you'd like to do and then try hard not to be distracted and forget:P
Hey bun bun and mishi, thanks for the advice and support! hugg
You're right. It does seem a matter of picking ONE thing and trying to make it happen rather than constantly thinking of one billion things. Also, i think I'm a traditionalist when it comes to "work". If I'm not going to the office 9-5, I feel like I'm not doing anything. Also, I guess if you're not earning money, it doesn't feel like 'real' work. No matter how many hours you spend doing it.
Maria, where are you holidaying at the moment? Put up a nice pic and write a blog about it! I wanna seeee! :D
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