This week has been another one of those pity-fests I am so prone to indulge in. Get consumed with the most irrational thoughts, and after thoroughly feeling sorry for myself I end up getting angry :P What a waste of a life! Talked to a friend today who said I need to cut all the negativity out of my life.
I'd love to.
Sadly the fates are conspiring against me and even the smallest things are difficult to do. For example! I've tried calling three different music academies to talk about violin lessons and two of them don't have working phone numbers, the third is always busy. I've looked up arabic language courses and the one place that offered them, doesn't seem to anymore. We don't have an oven at home so that I can bake whenever...which means I need to plan an entire expedition if I am in the mood and find someone who has an oven available. And even if I got that moving, the local tastes are just not up for anything I was planning. Grad school is a nightmare I don't even want to get into! After that track record, I am ecstatic that I've managed to find a swimming pool without too much of a fuss.
Normally most of this wouldn't bother me much but I see wayyyy too many people who are living such (seemingly) rich lives that I can't help be a littl envious. People who have their lives together so well, and manage to make time for all manner of things which somehow I was never able to do or ever will be. To thicken the quagmire, I haven't got the least idea what I'd LIKE to do with my life, or where I'd like to be and all that jazz. Just an overwhelming, all consuming feeling of inferiority and worthlessness.
What a waste of a life!
3 comments:
gosh reading that was soo depressing!
its hard not to let small day to day hinderances get to you...heaven knows i struggle with it every day myself
try to keep positive,,,and instead of thinking about all those who are doing well,,maybe give a thought to ones who are worse off then ourselves...at least that seems to work for me the best..
...and keep praying honey..inshallah youll see that positivity breeds positivity
heyyy dont think like that...sometime back i was going through a bleak phase myself thinking I was wasting my life and I felt embarrassed when i compared myself to my friends or people who had taken the MSc course with (eg. one guy is running for Congress now... one is getting her book published), but we should take these things as inspiration.. not to make us feel worthless.
I think you're on the right track that you're at least searching for these things. Also, talk to people around you and they can suggest where to get violin lessons from etc. And don't give up! keep trying and doors will start opening for you inshallah!
you're one of the most amazing women i know..so please don't underestimate yourself! hug
I agree with Tamreez, try to take inspiration, just because someone else has something and you don't, doesn't mean it isn't possible for you too. In fact, it makes it more possible. And it is good that you are at least trying to explore options, figure out what you want and all that. Sometimes I think the universe sends you what you want if you make it known, so just keep asking and insha Allah things will come your way. For example, I told hte universe i needed a silver chain and voila, one appeared on my floor that apparently belongs to nobody:P so see! There are more people in khi I'm sure who offer arabic, just try to ask more people/meet more people. and a swimming pool is a great find, most people I know can't find one. Bake for yourself if you can't bake for others tastes, and I'm sorry about the oven, that does sound idiotic. Trust me her ein Riyadh I feel the same sometimes, whenever something is absurd I ask my parents why on earth they choose to LIVE in such an absurd world. we have an oven but its really old and burns half of my masterpieces, it is very tragic sometimes and makes me sad. I spent mother's day doing cake surgery. and then I spilled a whole tube of my favorite sprinkles all over the floor. good times. anyway *hug* you're not alone, and be positive, you WILL be fine then:) i love you!
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